Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Insane

I wrote this a few years ago when experiencing a bad breakup.  Those bags under my eyes say it all!  LOL!  I don't think I've ever been this raw, real...Insane.    Now it's not painful to hear, read or speak.  Nice to be free, and now I can share...

"Insane" by Olisi Johnson
He called me again. I didn't pick up.
Too consumed with thoughts of how this psuedo-manifestation of love began and continually ends.
With me hurt, receiving less than what I deserve and am worth.
Yes he wooed me and pursued me in every way that I dreamed, but everything isn't what it seems.
What were portrayed as true feelings couldn't follow with this consistent diss. Respect and love were amiss.
Still I didn't want to believe, I was just hoping (hoping) that all those I miss you's, I'm sorry's and even I love you's would be followed with demonstrations of those words. I gave him a reprieve.
When will this cycle end?
This love I have for him should be a sin. Let me repent.
Because I keep saying that I won't let him back in again and yet I do.
I must pay for not thinking enough of myself to keep giving this unadulterated love away.
Deep down I'm still thinking something will change.
He and I will be better. I reason how could I give up? I'm a fighter. But when will I get tired of these hits? Insane.
Yes that I am, because deep down I knew me in his future was not apart of his plans.
His sentiments were about as real as turkey bacon.
If they were true, would all this he'd be forsaking? My heart is aching.
See, I was just a temp filling in while the new hire got prepped. I was over stepped.
Yes overworked and under appreciated, but my heart (my poor heart) was fixated on you. Hoping that the clue was untrue. Insane.
Being in love with you must mean I'm in love with pain. That's the only justifiable reason I would go through this again and again. Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm insane. I want and need to be removed from this circle of distrust. For you it wasn't love, it was just lust. To move on I must.
So check me in. Yes check me into Betty Ford, Saint Elizabeth. Whatever it takes to rid me of these insanity fits!
I'm not taking anymore of your emotional licks. I'm officially and permanently pissed!
But honestly, still I miss...
Insane.

You've been Stamped with some poetry!
XOXO!

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